How to Escape the Comparison Trap

A life with Social Media is hard.

I used to be extremely angry and full of hatred because I thought I wouldn't meet my potential.

Seeing teenagers earning millions over millions filled me with self-doubt.

I thought I deserved everything they had.

"Why can't I achieve the same results when I work so hard?"

While they were flexing with their achievements, I spiraled into self-doubt, questioning all my life choices.

Then my therapist told me that I was trapped in the comparison game.

I didn't realize that there are two sides of the coin.

You only see the highlights of people's lives on social media.

Everyone hides their failures and bad days.

It's time to confront this demon.

And find satisfaction with what we have.

Why do we compare ourselves?

The main reason is that it gives us a sense of worth.

You're able to measure your progress.

I'm pretty sure you already used phrases like:

"Well, at least I don't have the same problems as him..."

"At least I'm better of than she is..."

BLI BLA BLUB, And so on...

You relate to someone else's life.

And then the whole status game takes place.

But that's just one reason.

We're also afraid to appear somehow weird to society.

"Not normal"

You probably worried a lot about this in high school.

This fear is deeply rooted in our evolutionary history because we didn't want to be outcasts from our tribe.

We needed to fit in to survive.

I compared myself because I wanted to be the number 1.

It was a game about power.

My ego searched for ways to fill an inner void by being the best.

I thought it would give me a sense of fulfillment, but it didn't.

Once I achieved success in a field, I kept comparing myself to those below me.

I didn't want them to surpass me.

I wanted to keep my status.

Losing it would damage my ego further.

It was a downward spiral.

These are some of the reasons - there are A SHIT TON more.

Most of them evolved from our ancestral history.

That's the reason it feels like a life & death situation.

But let's keep going.

Reframe Reality

Although the human mind is wired this way, a mature ego can outgrow this problem.

Reframing some common beliefs may help:

The kind of self-worth I described earlier doesn't exist in that manner.

You measure your progress based on messed-up aspects.

Or even no aspects at all.

Most people subconsciously measure their success without even knowing how.

However, no amount of accomplishments will ever give you worth or true fulfillment.

Comparing yourself to others and putting yourself on a pedestal won't do it either.

Everything comes from within.

Nothing and Nobody can give it to you.

The quality of your inner and outer world is the deciding factor:

• Your thoughts

• Your mental and physical well-being

• Relationships

• Personal growth, and more.

It's cliché, but the journey is what truly matters.

Achieving a goal will only bring temporary pleasure.

Humans are too complex to compare.

We have different:

• Opinions

• Morals

• Goals

• Fears

• Past

• Experiences

• Thought patterns

• Problems

• Circumstances

• Restrictions

• Strengths

• Weaknesses

YOU GET IT - That's an infinite game

How can we compare our situations when everyone is fundamentally different?

It doesn't make sense.

It also makes no sense to fear not being 'normal' (What a weird word, really)

Because there is no 'normal'!!!

Try to define normal.

Maybe it's the statistical average,

Perhaps widely accepted behaviors,

Or something typical & ordinary?

'Normal' itself is highly variable across cultures and individuals.

It's also dependent on context.

We should stop F*CKING caring.

You can do whatever you want.

If you don't fit in your current friend group or even society,

Find another one.

Thanks to the internet, connecting with people across the globe is easier than ever.

Embrace your individuality.

Actionable Steps

Reframing Reality sounds cool, but does it move the needle?

Nahh.

We need a specific action plan - as always.

1) Create More, Consume Less

Using social media mindlessly is detrimental.

Limit your exposure.

Watching all those people making 3 Million in 3 seconds, while you're eating chips in your bed without having showered in 3 days, will certainly make you miserable.

Remember, there are two sides to the coin.

Instead of consuming others' success stories, CREATE your own.

Adding value to the world provides unmatched satisfaction.

Then, you can also share your highlights, even while lying in bed with greasy fingers.

2) Measure success on your terms

We're all running a race, but that doesn't mean we're competing against each other.

Start running your OWN race.

You don't want to cross someone else's finish line and miss out on your unique journey.

Focus on your purpose in life.

Keep track of attributes that matter to you.

Nobody can do this for you.

Think for yourself.

3) Practice Gratitude

There's always someone desiring what you have.

Not everyone has enough to eat & drink or a place to sleep.

Grab pen & paper and start journaling about what you're grateful for today.

It's life-changing.

Rewire your brain to see the positive side of life, no matter how small the thing.

Being intentional about your life helps you to stay grounded and present.

Reminding yourself that your life is blessed will reduce the need to compare yourself.

Check out my pinned tweet for the exact structure of my personal gratitude journal:

Final words

While these are SUPER INSANELY WELL WORKING steps, you probably can't turn off the comparison mechanism right away.

It's a lifelong practice.

You'll probably give less a shit once you get older.

The best way to avoid falling into the comparison trap isn't to avoid comparison altogether but to redirect it into motivation.

Utilize your thoughts to serve your purposes.

Let other people's achievements drive you to excellence in your own life.

Let them show you what's possible.

Focus on your uniqueness and define your success.

We're all highly individual.

Cheers,

Yasar